How to tell him I need him to stop smoking? -
How to tell him I need him to stop smoking? -
I did somehting i am not proud of, i broke a dating rule and started seeing a smoker. It was fine until I fell for him. I mean, when we were just having fun I didn-t mind but now that I truely feel for him, his smoking scares me. I want to tell him that I can-t take it anymore ( the smell, the coughing, the phlem, the constant risk of cancer) but by letting him -get away with it- for so long, I feel I have set presedence. Just recently his chest has started to bother him and i want him to get a chest x-ray. I myself am immunosupressed from an organ transplant so being around him isn-t the smartest thing for me either. I also feel that he is playing russian roulette with his life, not to mention our relationship. We are talking about moving in together in a year or so when I get my finances straightened out and when that happens i can tell him that I won-t live with a smoker, but that-s at least a year away. I don-t want to invest in someone who is going to up and die on me.As I see it, if he does not stop I can:
1. leave now
2. leave after he gets sick
3. be his care giver while i see him go through chemo.
As you can see, I am quite emotional about this and fear that all he will hear is a crazy girlfriend. I need ideas about how to be calm about this and rational, and at the same time get my point across.
Thank YouTell him like you told us - that at first it wasn-t a big deal, but once you started getting serious...and that although you feel that you set a precedence, you feel stronger about the health risks - especially due to your transplant. Studies show that second hand smoke is just as bad if not worse than first hand smoke. And, with the symptoms that he is having, you-d think that he would WANT to quit. Nothing good comes of smoking. Honestly, I would think that a relationship with someone he loves is more important than a cigarette. Research his options for quitting for your discussion with him, if you want, but let him know that this is -do or die- for you. And, if you say that, you have to mean it. Good luck, I hope he ends up quitting....Let him know how u feel, and be prepared that he may not change. U must decide if u can live with a smoker, and never again ****** about it. If u cant let him go.Flat out tell him and do not forget to include you fear for his life and your relationship.My ex tried getting me to quit. I tried for a while, but about a year later, I decided I didn-t want a mother as a girlfriend so I told her she would either have to deal with my habit or leave. It was a mistake on my part to try to change for someone, and a mistake on her part for trying to change someone. I am so glad our relationship is finally over because I am, once again, Free to be my own person and live my own life.
But that-s not to say you shouldn-t ask him to stop. If you don-t want a smoker, then you should ask him to stop or let him know you-ll be leaving (if it-s that big an issue for you, which it is). You shouldn-t have to stay in a relationship with someone you-re not happy with. Just be forewarned, if he tries, but a year or so later he finds it-s not worth it, it-s just going to be that much more difficult to leave. I learned my lesson; couples need to set their expectations from the very beginning.white patches ankles white patches on tonsils white raised patches skin white patches on skin
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info@vitiligolife.comYou are a smart girl. Moving in with a smoker would definately be bad for your health. But is he already coughing a lot and having that phlegm problem? He may already have emphysema or be on his way to it. The unfortunate problem is that people usually do what they want. You can present him with the facts, as well as some really morbid pictures calmly or not, but in the end he will choose. Your major objective has to be to care for your own health.
If you want to present him with facts and graphic photos, the second site shows the lung tissue after emphysema and lung cancer, as well as describing about 20 other conditions associated with smoking.
The first site is kind of humorous, but still hits the point.
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